Why Britain is Better (Part One)

For several months I've had an interesting internal debate, comparing things British to things American. And with the upcoming Fourth of July, Independence Day celebrations beginning soon, I started to realize that America shouldn't be celebrating their freedom from Britain; it should be Britain celebrating Americas' want to cede from the Kingdom. So far, for all of the discussion points I've thought about, I've found them to be better in Britain. While all of these trivial aspects are subject to personal belief or approval, I've created arguments to the latter.

First topic: sporting events.

I'll simply take two of Britain's (and the world's) more popular events: football (or soccer to Americans) and F1 racing. Neither of these events rank high on an American's scale of desire to watch or participate, yet in Britain and the world over, they are far more popular than any of their American counterparts. Start with soccer (I'll use the American term for it now, so as to not confuse Americans and their American football). Go ahead, look it up online, or through wikipedia. Soccer was called football long before American's invented their game. I digress: soccer is 'the beautiful game,' played by some of the most fit and athletic people in the world. I will not say that there aren't some very athletic players in the NFL: receivers, defensive backs, some running backs, are incredibly athletic. There are, however, 350+ pound linemen, that can't run more than 5 yards without taking breaks. In soccer, there are no time-outs, no stoppage of play to setup. The play is continuous, momentum is created, and players are involved no matter where they are on the field. There are limited substitutions, only a few per game. Soccer takes incredible endurance and skill, which lacks in American football. Some would argue that the high scores of a football game make it more enjoyable, however if you award seven points per goal, you would have a lot of games that were 21-14, or similar to a football game. Another argument is that soccer is boring, however in football the action stops every five to ten seconds, to reset the play, prepare for 30 seconds, then five to ten more seconds of play. Not much action, especially when watching the linemen stand against each other, in a display of heavy weight men pushing and slapping. The excruciating end of a game, where time-outs are called every other play are nonsense (this happens in basketball as well).

An American would also complain about the 'flopping' or crying of a soccer player when they are tackled (yes, there is tackling in soccer), or otherwise brought to the ground. There are always the highlights and slow motion shots of a player barely being touched, who lies on the ground writhing in pain, only to get up and run away after the penalty is called (or not called). This is no different than a player in the NBA, who is barely touched on a shot and complains to the ref about getting fouled; the player in the NBA who falls over without being run into for the offensive charge. Or the batter in the MLB who complains about balls and strikes. Or the wide receiver in the NFL, who instantly after being 'bumped' by the back, doesn't catch a ball and begins to signal for the flag. No different. While it is a bit more dramatic, it serves the same purpose: to draw attention and a possible foul. The only difference is, in soccer, when you go down, the play continues. In any American sport, play stops, the injured is carted away and replaced.

And if there is an argument about football players being 'tougher' than soccer players, we'll consult some rugby players, who don't wear pads, but do the same thing as American Football players. Have you ever seen an American player in any sport get their head stapled together and continue to play? Euro 2008 semi final between Turkey and Germany, when both players went for the ball and hit heads instead, the Turkey player was bleeding so badly, they stapled his head closed, on the sidelines! and he continued to play. In better shape? Soccer players normally run between 7000 and 12,000 meters in a game. That's equivalent to 6300 to 10,920 yards. That's a season for a running back in the NFL, and soccer players do that every game. No lineman would come close.

A serious penalty? In soccer you are carded, and sent off the pitch, no player will replace you. In any other sport (aside from hockey, which incidentally does the correct thing as well), the person is sent out, and replaced by another player. Could you image in MLB not having a first baseman? In the NBA, not having a point guard? In the NFL, not having a quarterback?

One thing that is equal, is the ridiculous after scoring dances.

And finally: the overtime. Again, NHL and soccer get things correct. If the score is tied, there is an overtime. If there is still a tie, penalty shootout. There is no better climactic event in all of sport better than the shootout at the end of a game. It would be similar to the NBA having a free-throw contest at the end. NFL has a ridiculous rule about the first team that scores, but both teams do not have an equal chance (one thing that the college ranks do much better than the professionals).

Parting shot: The Super Bowl, World Series (where only America and Canada participate), NBA Championships... hell even the Olympics cannot hold a candle to the World Cup, Euro Championships or the Champion's League. And bonus: WAGS are the hottest women on the planet. No other sport compares. Except possibly...

F1, or Formula One racing. Compared to America's two largest racing leagues, NASCAR and Indy, is like comparing diamond to cut glass. Again, a sport the world recognizes for it's beauty and precision that America shuns. Quite possibly this is due to the high class in which F1 appears to be. American's love their homeland and those things which are considered to be 'American.' This is why Indy car racing has floundered as well: only the rich can participate, and it's too much like F1. Call it the ugly cousin of F1 if you will. F1 races in distant lands, at high speeds, with people paying thousands of dollars to picnic by the raceway, sipping Champagne from a flute. NASCAR is beer and grilling, hard work and sweat. So the comparison is really F1 and NASCAR.

So answer this: what is the desire and where is the skill in driving around an oval, making left-handed turns? Aside from the two road courses, there is very little. On the 'super speedways' of Talledega or Daytona, a driver need not even lift their hoof from the gas. Only hope that a person in front of you crashes (which American's find to be quite humorous and a reason to watch the race). And who wants to see a Ford Taurus race against a Chevy Impala? I watched that yesterday downtown, and the Taurus won, though to be fair, the Impala was driven by an elderly woman who could barely see over the wheel. Last time I checked, that wasn't really an Impala out there on the Raceway in Kansas City. It didn't even look like one. And I'm certain that when I test-drove the Impala last year, it didn't go 200 miles per hour. So what exactly do these cars have to do with racing?

On the other hand, I did see a Ferrari drive 200 miles per hour down a street once in my life. And again on TV when I watched Formula One last weekend. When a Ferrari, a Mercedes and a BMW drive through the narrow streets of Paris or Monte Carlo (ironic that Monte Carlo is also a NASCAR car), on real streets, it is interesting. It is racing. F1 allows a manufacturer to create any car they desire. There are no limitations, no restrictions. NASCAR limits the engine, limits the weight, and on some ovals, has special 'restrictor plate' races, so the car does not go too fast. F1 challenges the skills of a driver, simply by adding a right-hand turn. The course may be wide at one point, narrow at another. There may be a fast wide turn, or a sharp hairpin. Cars will do 0 to 100 and back to 0 in the same time a NASCAR would go 0 to 60. Rain or shine. NASCAR (as well as Indy) will postpone or cancel an event if a little rain gets on the track. F1 races in all conditions, the drivers are prepared to race anywhere, anytime.

Aside from the aforementioned football, F1 and rugby, I'll mention these as well: cricket (without this, there is no baseball), golf and tennis. Three more wonderful sports that are not quite as popular in America, but originated or are popular in Britain.

Part Two: Liquors and Beer.