Miss America is rigged worse than an NBA game

Believe me, the last thing I wanted to watch last night was Miss America 2008. But between the several gin and tonics, and there being nothing on TV of any consequence, Col happened to see the pageant on the guide as I flipped through. And after seeing several commercials on how this year was supposed to be jazzed up, I figured it would be funny to poke fun at the latest generation of late teen and early twenties girls who threw away their childhoods to win a popularity contest.


We tuned in with sixteen contestants left, strutting out in their swimsuits. Immediately you saw that it was jazzed up at least a little, seeing that every contestant, save one in Miss Utah, was wearing a very small bikini. Utah, who apparently was 'America's Choice to Win,' did not have the body of a bikini model, nor that of a Marine, of which she was. Granted I did not see the early rounds, so I'm not entirely certain as to how she got this far, but the swimsuit competition did her in. Of course the only person to wear a one-piece is not going to advance. At any rate, there were only two rounds left: the evening wear and talent portion.

Most of the evening wear was horrific, something no woman would normally wear out to a formal event. The exception being Miss Wisconsin, who wore a stunning red, full length gown. Perfectly fit her glorious body, was not outlandish, very elegant. Much better than that of Miss Texas, who wore a very ugly, flowing beige and mint-neon green affair, which she kept waving around like it would fly away.

However, on to the talent. The winner (can't even remember where she was from) sang 'Over the Rainbow' in a shaking, squeaky voice. Just plain God awful. From the start we figured she was doomed. In fact, there were only two women who stood out in the talents. Miss Texas sang a beautiful operatic piece, and nailed the high notes perfectly. Her dozen years of voice lessons and professional work in opera were apparent. Simply marvelous. Miss Wisconsin, she of the stunning red dress, played classical violin.

Answer this now: how did the two best talents, regardless of the evening wear competition, not even make the top five? There were two ballet dancers, one of which lost her balance often, the winner who poorly sang a tired song, and one half-way decent singing of a latin pop song. The two best performed, and most difficult talents... and not even places in the top five.

Hands down, Miss Wisconsin should have won. The dress, the talent... no-brainer. The opera singer from Texas should have been second. The winner, well, I wouldn't have even put her in the top eight.

Aside from that, the master of ceremonies were horrible. Not that I've ever watched these pageants on a regular basis, but I will not watch next year.